Disclaimer:
This is our story and our emotions and I am in no way trying to discredit the severity of others' experiences with children in the hospital. We realize we are super lucky that this is all that occurred. We have had friends that have endured months in the hospital with their kids and I can't even imagine. This was still the most difficult time either of us have ever had in our lives. As much as we tried to say, "people have it way worse" it certainly didn't take the emotions away or make us feel any better at the time
How We Found Out:
December 26, 2015 we came home from Pat and Bill's annual family Christmas dinner. Pat was boiling meat for her Chinese dinner and I wanted to puke at the thought of it. I thought nothing of it. When I got home, I figured I should take a test as I had noticed some early symptoms earlier on that week. This is a bit too much info but Dallas was in the bathroom downstairs and I took the test and saw it was positive. I ran downstairs and told him to hurry up. He annoyingly said, "oooook, I'm going to the bathroom..." Haha. I put the test in a Christmas gift bag and told him I forgot about this one gift. He opened it and was shocked and so happy. So from there it began.
We told a few close friends and our parents before the "3 months." We felt like if we were to lose the baby we would want those closest to us for support. I surely wasn't about to announce it to everyone but have never really been a believer of keeping it a secret from everyone until the 3 months. We told both our parents on the same day, January 22, 2016. We bought cute little boxes and put in a little baby onesie. I wrote in the box "Arriving September 2016." We wrapped it like a Christmas gift and told them we ordered it online and it just came in. Neither of them had any clue and were pleasantly surprised.
The Pregnancy:
Dallas and I chose to not announce our pregnancy on Facebook. I know, shocking as I typically share everything on it. I felt it was a really personal thing and wanted our closest friends and family be the ones know and yet here I am blogging all the details. Haha. I also didn't want to hear the dreaded "advice" and negative comments. "You will never sleep again!!!!!, "your life is never the same," "just you wait!", "you will never pee alone again!","Lets see a bump picture!!!, OH MY GOD! You are huge!!!!", But anyways, that's an entirely different blog. I just wanted to enjoy it with those I cared about most. Everyone found out at some point and some found out on Facebook or Instagram once I decided to post a photo of sweet Vaughn. ; )
My pregnancy wasn't simple. I had lots of complications right from the beginning. Low HCG levels, being told I would likely miscarry, the discovery of 2 fibroids (benign tumors), a MASSIVE one of 10 cm that grew to 14 cm and a smaller 3 cm one and a heart shaped uterus which did not allow the baby to attach in the uterus where it should. I was told, I would likely have a c section and was at risk of pre term labor along with a plethora of other possible complications. Then at the 19 week ultrasound we found out I had complete Placenta Previa which was unlikely to move due to my fibroid. This guaranteed me a c section and guaranteed me to have the baby at around 37 weeks to prevent labor. By this time, we had already hired a Doula to help us get through the labor as it was the one thing that made me very anxious. Thankfully our Doula's role changed and she became the answerer of my million questions, the one to hold my puke bucket after surgery, and the one to give me big hugs at the NICU. The Placenta Previa also limited me in exercise and basically doing anything strenuous, so that sucked too. Worst of all, I wasn't allowed to travel. My Uncle George was turning 50 and we had this trip to Ontario planned for his surprise birthday. My brother and his family were going as well. Not being to go was awful for me. It was the most I cried my entire pregnancy. : ( I also had awful sciatic pain and pelvic pain that made me pretty much immobile. I was huge, belly wise but lucked out not getting huge anywhere else. Phew.
Somewhere in between all of this we decided to do a gender reveal. Amanda convinced me to do it and gifted us with the cake to do so. (So thoughtful) We invited over our parents and Gord and Sandra and of course Facetimed with Kelly, Jamie, Q and M. On April 15, we found out we were having a baby boy! Lucky Dallas!
On week 36 I had another ultrasound and was told my placenta had moved juuuuust enough to try for a vaginal birth, but that my doctor would make that decision. It needed to move 2 cm and it has moved 1.99. To be honest, I was kinda bummed as I had planned on having Vaughn at week 37 via C -section as that was always the plan. (Insert everyone opinion on what I should have done or how I should have felt. Also insert my eye roll.) I saw my doctor 3 days later and she said it was a grey area. She advised of the complications that could arise given my fibroids and the placenta still being quite low. She shared that either way posed risks given all my issues but in the end, continuing to have a c section was the best option for mine and Vaughns health. Cesarean birth is still birth for all those people that think a natural birth is the be all end all and it really doesn't matter how you baby comes into the world. (Can you tell I got some flack over all this?? haha) Anyways, the doctor booked my c section for August 19, 2016. (My due date was September 6, 2016) We decided to keep that a secret from everyone except from our parents.
August 18, 2016 Dallas and I went in for a bunch of tests, the nurses at the Sturgeon were amazing and made me feel at ease. They advised we needed to be back at the hospital at 530 am and the c section would occur at 745 am. Dallas and I headed to Piccolinos right after to have our "last supper" as I wasn't allowed to eat past a certain time and we probably wouldn't have dinner just the two of us in quite some time.
So we headed to the Sturgeon for 530 am, brought in all of our stuff ready to have a baby. They immediately hooked me up to fluids and that's when I started to get sick. Anyone that knows me knows that I am the least anxious person there is (this has recently changed and Dallas says having a baby had made me crazy) but my nerves got the best of me that morning.
They came to wheel me into surgery, Dallas had to stay outside until I was actually in the operating room. I was put in this waiting area, given hot blankets and told to wait. My doctor came in and came over to say hi. I immediately started crying, I think cause I was scared and because she was so sweet and I cry when people are really nice. I was also shaking uncontrollably. Someone told me I would be freezing and they weren't kidding. She told me not to be scared and assured me everything would go as planned as far as the surgery. They wheeled me into the OR and I met the anesthesiologist who was also amazing. (He reminded me of the Dr on "This is Us.") He gave me a spinal and then told me to quickly move down the table as my legs began to numb immediately. Dallas finally was allowed in the room.
Dr. Lacasse was amazing, joking around, having normal conversation with the rest of the team. The anesthesiologist kept peeking over the screen and gave us a play by play of what was happening which was awesome and then within minutes they cut me open and out came little V. She briefly showed me him over the screen and told me they would give him to me after they did a few things. Vaughn was born at 8:03 am- 7 lbs 8 oz-19.75 inches long.
They came back and put him on my chest, not what I had imagined as my arms were strapped down so I couldn't actually hold him. They put Vaughn on me while a nurse was holding him there and the first thing I said was, "Something is wrong with him." The Neonatologist calmly came over and said " OK, Lisa, he just isn't loving this skin to skin" as he pulled him off me. I appreciated his calm demeanor but I also knew that he was full of it as babies love skin to skin but I trusted the doctors knew what was happening. I then said probably 4 times, "Why isn't he crying?" He eventually started. As we waited I looked over at Dallas about 30 seconds after they took him off and he had tears in his eyes. He then said, " That was the scariest 30 seconds of my life." Still not knowing what was happening I just started to cry too but again still trusted and felt like everything was going to be okay. I was not scared at this moment at all. They came by and said that he was struggling to breathe but they have him on oxygen and they will meet me back in the recovery room. I thought nothing of it, they assured me all would be okay.
I was wheeled back to recovery and hung out with my Doula. Her and Dallas would go back and forth from the nursery where Vaughn was to my room to update me. Suzanne took a video of Vaughn and showed me. He was wheezing and struggling to breathe on oxygen, it was so sad. After about an hour Suzanne came to me and warned me that they may be transferring him to a NICU but that if they had a bed wherever he was going, they would send me as well. Sure enough, the Neonatologist came to tell me he was going to Grey Nuns via ambulance with the Stollery team and there were no beds for me there so I would have to stay at the Sturgeon alone for the night. I think I may have still been high from the drugs or in shock cause I was fairly calm about it all. It could have also been that I am calm in most crazy situations (the jail did this to me). Also, I hadn't bonded with V yet, seen or held him. My OB also came to visit and told me this was the worst part of her job, when they had to send babies out due to the not having a NICU but again she assured me that this was all quite common and V would be okay. I trusted her. They gave Dallas the option of staying with me or going to the Grey Nuns with Vaughn, we decided that obviously we would want him with V. So the transport team came in with V in a incubator type looking thing, he was screaming and that was the way they let me say bye while they explained everything to me at the same time, like as if I remember any of that. Worst part of this was that I could only touch him from afar and couldn't comfort him in any way. To this day I still don't appreciate how this went down. I feel that it should be dealt with differently given the circumstances. Like maybe wheel me to the nursery where he was and let me hold him there?? I don't know. I sometimes wish I didn't have to see him like that before he left, wasn't very nice.
Dallas followed with our vehicle. So in between all of this our parents had come to the hospital to meet V. They got to see him more than I did that day. They eventually left and went to support Dallas at the Grey Nuns. Amanda came to hang out with me, she still says to this day I was pretty out of it talking to her. I was appreciative of the visit though. So having had surgery and all, I was pretty tired, I slept when I could and woke up every 2 hours to pump to ensure my milk came in. Meanwhile, Dallas is at the Grey Nuns NICU, alone with our only hours old son. Father of the year.
So August 20 rolls around and my first question is, " do they have a bed for me yet?" and of course the answer was continuously " we are working on it." Meanwhile, my hormones are going crazy and I am crying uncontrollably and I would like to see my baby. The nurses were great, don't get me wrong but I was anxious and despite them having probably 40 other new moms to worry about I felt like I should have been a priority since my baby was across the city. Eventually, I sicked my Doula on them and she called the front desk. A nurse came in shortly after and I was getting a day pass to the Grey Nuns. I almost self discharged prior to that . Oh I forgot, prior to all the emotions and me demanding to be let go, Amanda came again as did Steph. I appreciated that visit as well. Thanks, girlsSo I called my mom, who was at the Grey Nuns and she came to get me at Sturgeon for a day pass. So I'm just over 24 hours out of a c-section, dressed and going for a day pass across the city. We finally make it to GN's after getting lost somehow and ending up in Villenueve. I walk into the NICU and start crying immediately saying, "I'm here to see my baby", a surreal thing to be saying in the first place and then factored in, I am yet to hold him or see him in real life other than the brief moment he was on my chest. He was hooked up to so much stuff, but so so cute still.
So at 7 pm Dallas drove me back to Sturgeon for my curfew. I laid in the hospital bed and started to watch the final Tragically Hip concert in Kingston. I sent Dallas home as he needed rest after his night with V. Just as he left the nurse came in and said that she sees no reason for me to have to stay and she is waiting for the Dr. to come and do rounds to suggest that I be discharged. I was thrilled but knew it could be hours. Lucky for me she came in 10 minutes later and discharged me! I called Dallas immediately who turned around on the Henday and came back to get me. We went home, got Mcdonalds and watched the Hip concert. We made me a bed upstairs on the recliner couches equipped with the breast pump, water, lots of blankets and pillows. So from then on for the next 11 days the days went like this: I would pump all night, we would get ready, head to the hospital between 9 and 10 am, spend the day, looking at V, holding him, me pumping every 2-3 hours, visiting Justin downstairs in 92, playing on our phones and talking to nurses.
Surprisingly the days went by fast and with small improvements we were hopeful we would be gone by day 5. Turned out he was taking a little longer to recover. Vaughn had TTN (Transient tachypnea of the newborn). This is leftover fluid in the lungs that causes the baby to breathe rapidly. It is harder for the small air sacs of the lungs to stay open. I would say on about day 7 we were both like, "Ok, this is enough, we want to go home now." On the 10th day I stayed the night as Vaughn was ready to breastfeed and was finally completely off oxygen. It went well and I was confident at this point that once he had his feeding down pat we could go home. Luckily he caught on quick.
So on Day 11 the team of doctors came around, it was just me as Dallas was parking. It was a resident with a new Doctor taking over from the one V had previously. The Doctor asked me some questions, the resident gave him an update. The doctor asked me how I thought his feeding was going (which I appreciated as I feel moms know best in these instances) and I said good and mentioned that I felt comfortable. He said, " Is this your first baby?" to which I replied (balling my eyes out) "Yes" and he said " Do you want to go home?" and I managed to nod in my mess of emotions and he said, "Sounds good, you can go home" Seriously. Happiest. Ever.
Never in a million years do you think it will be your baby that is unwell. Dallas and I were lucky that it was something so minor. However, knowing we had it "good" considering did not make it any easier. There were a few days were he actually got worse and not better, those days were scary. Even the doctors were stumped every once in a while not understanding why he wasn't getting better. I have never in my life cried as much as I did those 10 days and I have never needed Dallas and felt his love and support more in my life. We would stand in the kitchen and hug every night we got home and I would cry just thinking how much I loved him and how happy I was that I had him to go through this with. Side note: Post partum emotions are insane to begin with, crying for no reason and then we just added a 11 day hospital stay so it was increased ten fold.
Another side note: Half the time I was crying in those 11 days was simply due to the kindness of the nurses at the NICU. I have never in my life met a group of healthcare providers and liked every single one of them. There would be days that I would think, oh I hope we don't get a bad nurse today, and every single new nurse we met was incredible. Hats off to the nurses of the NICU Grey Nuns, angels sent from Heaven, truly.
As I sit home with V today at 4.5 months old, he is the best baby, he smiles constantly, has the cutest personality, the weirdest belly button, a wonky ear, the best hair and eyes and he has our hearts. I have never in my life smiled as big and as much as I do now and also never thought I would be the mom to sit and sing songs (mostly "Old MacDonald" and "Baby Shark") over and over and over just to watch him smile and laugh. Also, never did I think I would be the mom to say "they grow up so fast" but man, they sure do. Welcome to the wonderful world Baby Vaughn. Thanks for making this easy on us (for the most part). We love you more than you will ever know.
Till next time, Lis
