I think I need to start today with a rant. This will be all over the place. I do not check my spelling or grammar. I will just rant. I need to make a lot clear before I post my blog publicly (Facebook).
First, I am 100 percent aware that eating healthy and working out is all I need to do to get fit and lose weight. I know that. I know that. I know that. Clear?
Second, I DO NOT THINK I AM A WHALE. I know that I look decent in clothes, I wear my fat well. I know that I am not massive. That is not the point. I used to be 125 lbs. I am currently approximately 160 lbs and 5'4. That is considered obese according to my BMI. Hey! BMI. Fuck yourself.
I would like to lose 30 lbs. OH! Here we go! Peanut Gallery! "Are you crazy? You're so skinny? What do you have to lose? Oh my god, 30 lbs? You'll be a skeleton" I assure you, when I was 125lbs, I was NOT a skeleton I was a normal weight for my height. Yes, yes, forgot this one. "Muscle weighs more than fat!" I realize that, which is probably why I announce my weight of a medium sized man to everyone and anyone. I have muscle, I get it.
BUT....regardless of all this, I am extremely unhappy with my body, more so than I ever have been, probably because I weight the most I ever have and none of my clothes fit. What is important to me is that I feel good in a bathing suit, my clothes fit comfortably and that I can run and feel fit. I hate when my stomach rolls get in the way at yoga too. I swear I'd be way better at it if I didn't have rolls. Anyway, I really do appreciate people's compliments about me looking good already, have nothing to lose etc etc... but what others think truly isn't the point. I am unhappy with this area of my life and am determined to make a change. I want to look smoking hot in a size M bikini....not L. See... I'm even realistic and didn't say S. : )
So back to everyone being a weigh loss expert. I LOVE, just LOVE when EVERYONE has an opinion about what you are eating at the lunch table at work (my partner Scarlett can appreciate this one). "Ummmm...just popcorn and cucumbers? What are you doing? Starving yourself?" Why yes I am, can't you tell? Or, "these Body by Vi shakes are just a scam, a fad, they don't work, they have nothing good in them, what else do you eat? Is that it?" Really? Did you spend over a month researching the product like I did or did one of your best friends lose over 80 lbs on it? No? Oh, so please tell me more about something you don't know about. AND the worst....I fall off the wagon, I head over to the Brownlee building next door and get a freakin soup, or maybe even some curly fries. All hell breaks lose. " What? You're not doing your shakes anymore? How much have you lost? Oh, cheat day?" Obsessed. People are obsessed. Finally, "Won't you just gain it all back once you stop?" Yep, I probably will if I allow that. If I allow that, my fault right?
Leave me alone. I drink two shakes a day, each about 200 calories , along with 2-3 100 calorie snacks and some vegetables. It is NOT starving myself by any means. I may not bring my shake down at lunch, cause guess what!? I am not hungry enough to eat it right then and there....so while I sit there with my freakin bag of popcorn and cucumber...shut your mouth. AND...when I rock up from next door with my soup or small curly fries, guess what?! I fell off the wagon.I'm like an alcoholic. Don't condemn me. Support me...help me get back up again....cause I just had a freaking relapse! : )
So all you weight loss experts. I have been struggling with this for over 15 years. There is nothing I haven't tried. Keep your opinions/judgements to yourself.
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